Hello everyone and happy Monday! After what seemed like 73 straight days of rain, I hope you guys got to enjoy some time outside this weekend, especially since it’s probably going to rain for the next 30 days now 🙁 Over the weekend, I came across a post on Facebook that truly resonated with me:
“I JUST NEED YOU TO TELL ME THAT IT SUCKS.
I spent FIVE hours in the dentist chair yesterday.
On my way home I was hungry, thirsty, and most of all — CRANKY.
I walked in my house, dramatically flinging the door open for effect and — BAM!
I smacked right into it.
Something was blocking the door so I couldn’t fully open it. One of my biggest pet peeves.
UGH.
The story I told myself was (insert name of significant other/roommate here) didn’t care about me enough to make sure nothing was blocking the door when I got home, and worse — he probably KNEW it was blocking the door and *really* didn’t care.
I mean — he KNEW I was on my way home.
It’s clearly HIS fault I’m so cranky.
I was ready to start a fight.
Then I stopped, took a deep breath, and asked myself:
Is this true or is it a story I’m telling myself?
Do I really want to start a fight?
What’s going on? What do I need right now?
It hit me.
All I needed was for him to recognize my crankiness and validate me.
Of course I’m cranky. I spent five hours at the dentist. That sucks. Anyone would be cranky.
I walked into the room and pouted:
“I’m hungry + thirsty + tired + cranky + I just spent 5 hours in the dentist chair and I just need you to tell me…THAT IT SUCKS.”
He got up, walked over, wrapped his arms tightly around me and said,
“I’m sorry, babe. That DOES suck. It sounds awful.”
Instantly my whole body relaxed.
That was all I needed (plus some coffee and food!)
Later I wondered — how different could things be if we actually ASKED for what we need?
Instead of blowing it up, starting a fight, lashing out, making our problem their problem.
What if we just asked for what we need in the moment?
I need attention.
I need validation.
I need you to tell me that it’s going to be OK.
I need you to tell me that I’m going to be OK.
I need you to be angry at what I’m angry at.
I need you to see me.
I need you to hear me.
I need you to love me.
Yes, this is easier said than done.
And I don’t always know what I need in the moment, and that’s OK.
But I’ve found it gets better with practice.
When I’m able to stop, get silent, and tune in — allowing myself to be vulnerable enough to ask for what I need — it’s always a game-changer.”
After reading this post, I knew this was something that I had to work on. Throughout my whole life, I’ve been the absolute worst at expressing what I need, instead getting angry because I have to resolve issues on my own when others don’t even know that anything is wrong. Like the post stated, this is easier said than done, but with practice, anything can become more attainable. Instead of forcing myself to do a bunch of different things while going in a million different directions, or letting myself get burnt out because I’m too overwhelmed but no one knows because I haven’t told them, I need to take a look within. What exactly am I mad at? What do I need? How can whatever I am feeling be resolved in a way that doesn’t involve me turning into a hermit and being pissy for the next 2 days?
It’s only been a few days since I’ve begun applying this concept to my life, and I’m telling you, it works. If you can relate to being the person who is always trying to do everything and anything, or who rather deal with things on their own than involve other people, give this a try, and you’ll be surprised at how useful it can be.
Here’s to achieving everything you set out to do this week!
Toodles,
Luzinator